Of Joy
by Kamyy
Summary: Post 5x03. With Alexis off to college, Kate came to cheer him up. And Richard Castle does what he does best: he tells her a story. Proving once again that there is always a possibility of joy.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything is the property of ABC.**

**Also, I am not familiar with the actual school system in the US. So, bear with me. I apologize in advance for English mistakes as I'm sure there will be. Post 5x03.**

* * *

_To you, I'll never be cold_

_Cause I feel like when I'm with you,_

_It's all right, I know it's right_

_And the songbirds are singing _

_Like they know the score_

_And I love you, I love you, I love you_

_Like never before._

_**Fleetwood Mac, Songbird**_

* * *

**Of Joy**

He was still sitting on the step, staring fondly at Alexis' medal, when she knocked on the door. He sighed, tired but glad to know she was coming. She made it easier.

Her hair was down, gentle curls falling on her shoulders, her eyes soft.

"Hey", she whispered softly. He smiled, inviting her in, taking her coat in silence.

She brushed her hand on his elbow, slowly sliding his hand into hers, tugging him to the couch.

"You want something to drink?"

He chuckled. "I'm living here; I'm the one who should be asking you that."

She snuggled into his side, her mouth on his neck, her cold fingers slipping under his shirt. He let out a small yelp when she pinched him.

"Hey! What was that for?" He whined, rubbing the sore spot through the material.

"Felt like putting you out of your misery hole."

He frowned at her. "I'm not…"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Castle. Of course, you're miserable, your daughter is gone for college. I get it. I mean, you should have seen my dad's face when I put my stuff in his truck, on my way to Stanford. I think my mom handled it better than him. He looked like I shot his puppy. Well, he looked like you right now." She smiled. He grinned down at her, noticing she kicked off her heels near the couch, her bare toes pushing under his thigh, looking for warmth. He pulled her closer.

"Yeah, well. Your dad had your mom to whine to. I'm not entitled to that, or so it seems" He grumbled with a sparkle in his eyes.

She chose to ignore the remark. "What's will all the boxes anyway?", she asked, looking around.

"Oh, Alexis finally realized I was right all along, of course, and left most of her useless stuff behind. In the middle of the living room", he muttered, realizing suddenly how much space all those boxes were actually taking.

"Such a daddy's girl", Beckett smirked. She got up to look around despite his protests of being comfy. _Cuddler_, Kate thought with a smile.

She didn't look through the boxes, only smiled at the markers inscription on them. "Clothes", "Books", "Dad packed this; I don't know what is it". She laughed at the last one and gasped in surprise as his warm hands encircled her waist.

"What's funny?"

"Your kid. What's in this box? The one you packed."

"Oh, mostly stuff we made together." He answered, opening the box. "Pictures of us, recipes of dishes we like, all those cute little crappy stuff she made in school." He held up a yellow bowl.

"What is this?" She laughed, her hand curling around his arm.

"Don't know. An ashtray? She couldn't explain it either. But she was 4." Beckett grinned. His eyes fell on the box again, putting back the bowl/ashtray, when he saw a drawing he didn't even remember was in there.

"What is it ?", Kate asked. He held it up for her to see. It was a basic 4 year old drawing made of two sticky black characters, one smaller than the other with a bunch of red hair around her head.

"She said that was us. I realized she could never be an artist, then. How could she disfigure me like this?" He wondered, holding up the drawing by two fingers as if disgusted by his daughter's lack of talent.

Kate rolled her eyes. "She was like, what ? 4 or 5, when she drew this?"

"Doesn't matter" He muttered, indignant. "You can recognize your father is a little more than two sticky arms and legs, even at 4…"

She laughed at his antics, slapping his arm gently. She turned in his arms, waving her arms around his neck. He was watching his daughter's piece of art with a thoughtful look.

"She made it after Meredith left. I mean, after the divorce". Kate looked stunned by the unexpected turn of the conversation.

"Oh."

He startled. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about…"

"That's fine, Castle. I want to know the story" She smiled up at him, running her fingers into his hair, bringing him back to the couch. He tucked the drawing close to his chest and gathered her in his arms. She came willingly, but not before murmuring a "Sap" at him. He ignored it.

"Meredith and I got married young." He started. "We didn't talk about having kids, Alexis was a surprise. After I actually thought it would ruin my life, I realized this was going to be the greatest adventure and I was really excited. Not Meredith. I took upon myself to stay home and watch after Alexis. I didn't realize at the time that it meant being the only parent." She sucked in a breath, hearing the bitterness in his voice.

"Alexis was amazing and I could only be delighted but… I kept thinking Meredith should be there to share it with us. One day, I couldn't watch her because I had an important meeting. I talked about it with Meredith for days, so she remembered she had to watch after her daughter. Can you imagine that?" He shook his head. "When I came home, Meredith was gone and my daughter was upstairs crying her eyes out. She was 18 months old. I let it go. I was furious but I let it go because I thought we could still be a family."

He paused there and she realized how hard that must have been for him. Raising Alexis by himself, mourning what he thought was the perfect family. She brushed a kiss at his jaw, putting her palm on his heart. He sighed, his warm breath blowing her hair and he put his cheek there.

"One day, I came home and she was with a guy in our bedroom. Alexis was in her room, crying quietly. I don't know what made me the most furious. That she was cheating on me in our home with our kid upstairs or that Alexis already knew there was no need to cry out loud, because her mom wouldn't come anyway." He cleared his throat.

"I asked for a divorce. She didn't even fight it. She said she was doing what was best for Alexis." He chuckled. "Alexis was 4, by the time we were officially divorced, although Meredith had moved out as soon as she could. I decided that year she had to go to preschool, at least for a day or two each week. She needed to socialize a little. What I didn't realize was that she would start wondering why she didn't have a mom waiting for her at the end of the day".

Kate was aching for that little girl. She knew all too well how it felt, the gaping hole in your chest, the lump in your throat, chocking, suffocating. That desperate need for a hug, sometimes. She held on tighter to him, instead. But it was good, too.

"One day, I picked her up after school and she's crying her eyeballs out. One of the kids asked her where her mom was and when she couldn't answer, the kid asked if she even had one. Alexis didn't get it. Meredith was still coming by often enough at the time for her not to truly realize we were not a family anymore. There was nothing I could do. She sobbed and sobbed, and I hated myself." He spoke quietly.

"I tried everything. Ice cream, movies, I kept her from school for a few days, I even asked my mother for ideas. See how desperate I was", He tried for levity and she gave him a small smile.

"A week after her little breakdown, she came down the stairs, dressed for school with her small backpack on. She said she wanted to go back and she gave me this drawing." He laughed a little at the memory. "I couldn't understand what happened, for the life of me. I asked what it was. She looked me in the eye and said "Daddy, it's you and me." And then she hopped down the last step and ran to the door, begging me to take her to school." Kate looked up at him, amazed by that man all over again.

"She did it for you." He frowned at her, a little confused.

She went on "She did for you what my dad did for me the day of my mom's funeral. She made you realize there was always a possibility for joy."

She leaned in, brushing her mouth against his, over and over until his breath hitched a little and then she put her head in the crook between his shoulder and his neck, just resting.

"You do it for me too, Kate." He whispered. "You just did."

* * *

**Comments ?**

**Camille**


End file.
